Norman was in his late 70’s when his wife, Edie, died. When Edie was alive, she and Norman enjoyed taking long, leisurely Sunday afternoon drives. They would embark with neither a plan nor a particular destination in mind. During the summer months, they stopped at roadside stands to purchase vegetables, fruits and fresh-baked pies. For Halloween, they bought pumpkins and corn stalks to decorate their porch. In the spring they filled their trunk with annuals to be planted in the large clay pots of their garden.

They stopped for dinner on each return trip. After forty years of Sunday drives, they had a favorite restaurant in every direction. Their Sunday ritual was one of the things that Norman most missed after Edie’s death. To keep her near, Norman had Edie cremated and kept her ashes with him saying: “I keep her with me, I’m comforted by that.”

Norman reeled when Edie died. Her death plunged him into a confused and listless state. He felt that his life had no meaning. Norman was the financial provider while Edie took care of hearth and home. Months after her death, Norman revealed: “Now I understand what my wife did; everything.”

As a couple, they had a small, but active social circle. They had one child, a son, Michael. Edie was the family’s social director. She organized dinners, get-togethers and holiday celebrations. She was also Norman’s link to his son, calling him weekly to invite him and his family for dinner. Norman was a stoic working man typical of his era. He enthusiastically took part in everything his wife arranged and was grateful for her making their house a home.

The dinner parties stopped at Edie’s death. Norman struggled to make phone calls and maintain contact with friends and family. While Edie was dying, Norman often talked to the hospice workers about his connection to his son, and how awkward he felt phoning him. He said, “Edie always did that, so it feels strange, even though I love my son. I’d better call him or I may never see him again.”

Norman’s daughter-in-law, Ann, tried to help father and son stay in touch. She made weekly calls to Norman to see how he was doing and often invited him to their home for dinner. Michael visited his father on his way home from work once a week to help him with home repairs and to chat. While Norman loved his son, and admired Ann, he didn’t want them to feel responsible for him. He believed he was still able to take care of himself.

Norman was in pain. Michael and Ann, realizing that Norman was too private to accept their help, suggested that he participate in a grief support group. They told him that it would be good for him to get out of the house and talk to other people who were also grieving. At first, Norman felt uncomfortable in a group of strangers and questioned how the group could help him cope with his loss. It was especially hard in the beginning because he was the only man in the group.

Unfortunately, men commonly shun help from others and actively avoid participating in support groups. They are often embarrassed to talk about their feelings or to openly admit their grief. Norman also suffered from this misguided belief, but was surprised when he began to find comfort in talking with others about his experience.

After six months in a support group, Norman no longer felt the need to keep Edie’s ashes. He called his son to discuss the best place for Edie and agreed to spread her remains at a beautiful, unspoiled place that Norman and Edie passed on their Sunday drives. On the agreed upon day, Norman, with Michael and Ann spread Edie’s ashes in a green field beneath a lovely tree.