HELPING OTHERS HELP YOU GRIEVE

Death can make the most socially skilled among us feel awkward and uncertain. We often don’t know how to adequately express our condolences.You can help your friends and family by telling them how they can help. For example, you might tell them that you look forward to their phone calls, or that they should stop by regularly to check on you. In the beginning, you may feel reluctant to express your needs, but it will get easier. Friends and family want to help you through this time, but don’t want to interfere. Give them direction. Accept their love and kindness. All will benefit.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-CARE

Caring for yourself is neither selfish nor self-indulgent. Neglecting your physical or mental health is harmful to you and your family. The death of a spouse is a significant risk factor for developing serious illness. Proper rest, healthy meals and light exercise will nurture your body and mind. Deep breathing and relaxation techniques will calm you and create a place for healthy thoughts.

If the people that love you are worried about you, hear them. Although it may seem that they are interfering, they mean well. They may be more objective about your health than you are during this period. Seek help and advice from your family and friends, grief support professionals or from your minister. If it is difficult to share your feelings with those closest to you, seek out a neutral counselor.

BEGINNING A NEW LIFE

If you are like most married couples, your spouse was an integral part of your identity. You were seen as a “couple” by your friends and neighbors. Your hobbies, vacations and entertainment choices were influenced by things your spouse liked doing or you enjoyed doing together. Without your spouse you may feel like a “fish out of water.”

You begin a new life the day your spouse dies. Assess your hobbies, friendships, where you live. Are they right for you? If not, replace them with new activities and rituals. Perhaps you want to get your college degree, write a book, make jewelry or travel? Make a plan now for the rest of your life. On the other hand, avoid rash decisions. Often, strong emotions interfere with clear thinking. Carefully consider major changes. Seek the advice of others.