Allow yourself to grieve fully.

Surround yourself with friends and family who love you. Talk to them and let them help. Become involved in the bereavement program of your local church, hospice or funeral home. Take time to nourish your body and spirit. Eat well, get adequate sleep and exercise. If you are stuck in unhealthy grief that jeopardizes your long-term physical or emotional health seek the help of a professional therapist. You may not recognize that you are in physical or emotional danger. Rely on the “eyes” of family and friends who may be better able to objectively assess your coping skills.

Gradually, the intensity of your grief will subside. Holidays, a song on the radio or special occasions may trigger unexpected tears or feelings. With time, you will recover more quickly from these episodes.

We are never the same after the death of a loved one. As we grieve our loss, we are also reminded of our own mortality. We may wonder and reflect about how we will use the balance of our time on this earth. Nothing defines life more than death. It is a time to examine our relationships and our personal, professional, financial and spiritual objectives. Your spouse’s death may ignite a healthy sense of urgency about your life.

There is much to do in the weeks and months that follow your spouse’s death. Your duties may temporarily distract you from your grief, but don’t “lose” yourself in them. Move at your own speed. Enlist the help of family, friends and professionals. When you sense that you are racing, becoming frantic and losing touch with yourself, stop, breathe and make time for yourself.

Sometimes, amid the cacophony, I stop
and feel the cool breeze on my face.
I draw a long deep breath,
filling my lungs with moist fresh air.
I pause and savor a complete exhale.
I linger, I wonder, I think, that for at least this moment
It is good to be alive.
Franco Bollo (The Healing)