Written by Steven J. Case, CLU, ChFC, CFP, CDP

You may feel the loss of your spouse most acutely when it comes to financial matters. Money is directly tied to our inner sense of security and well-being. Perhaps that is the reason that so many people are “bad” with money.

What they are saying is that money scares the hell out of them. They’re afraid they won’t have enough, afraid someone will steal it, or that their friends will find out how much or how little they have.

With so many emotions attached to money, it’s not surprising that people fail to properly address their money issues. These same people will blindly turn their money over to near strangers so they don’t have to deal with it.

They are vulnerable not just because they don’t know much about money and finances, but because they don’t want to know.

You may have happily relinquished all financial responsibilities to your spouse when you got married only to have it dropped back in your lap at his or her death. It is common to be angry at your late spouse for dying and leaving you to make important decisions alone. If your spouse was in charge of your family finances, you likely have little or no background in financial matters and may only vaguely understand your sources of income and monthly expenditures. Even if you were the financial manager in your household, the death of your spouse dictates that you rethink your financial future.

Your spouse’s death may impact your income from wages, Social Security and pensions, leaving many unanswered questions: Do you have enough monthly income? Do you need to work? Will you have to invade principal to maintain your current lifestyle? Are your investments appropriate for your new life plan? These and other questions are answered in a process known as “financial planning.”

The objective of this chapter is to give you a greater comfort level in the financial realm, to be able to choose a capable financial planner to assist you, and be able to adequately judge his or her performance. Ultimately, you must take control of your money. You need to know what’s going on, not just to avoid getting fleeced, but also to effectively manage your money. You shouldn’t spend too much or too little. It would be a shame to deprive yourself of life’s pleasures because you (wrongly) feel that you can’t afford them. Knowing what you have allows you to live within, not above or below, your means.

The following are the basic elements of financial planning:

1. Determine your net worth.
2. Determine you monthly sources of income and expenditures.
3. Define your future goals.
4. Determine if your current investments are properly suited for your new life plan.
5. Minimize financial risk through diversification.

Unless you have extensive training in financial matters, you will need help developing your financial plan. Although well-meaning friends and family may offer suggestions about the management of your money, investments that have worked for them may not fit your situation. Financial planning isn’t about picking winners -- that’s called gambling. Financial planning involves the five steps described above and requires that you make a plan that is right for you.

Choosing a financial planner may be one of the most important decisions you will make after your spouse’s death. Stories of widows who have been taken advantage of by unscrupulous investment advisors abound. Solicit recommendations from friends and family and interview three candidates. Choose someone who is experienced, licensed and credentialed. Make sure to review “Choosing a Financial Planner” at the end of this chapter.

Without question, money is the number one source of anxiety for widows and widowers. What is the fear? The fear is of the unknown, and the antidote is knowledge. That is not to say that you need to become a financial planner. You only need to understand what you have, what you need and where you’re going. To start, you need to assess your current financial position and develop a written plan.